


Punctuation

by Cerdic519



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Colonoscopy, Embarrassed Dean, Hospitals, M/M, Medical Procedures, Slash, Sneaky Castiel, Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-06 11:23:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12210291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerdic519/pseuds/Cerdic519
Summary: Inspired by something I found on the Interweb. Because.





	1. :

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hey_you_with_the_face](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_you_with_the_face/gifts), [lyster99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyster99/gifts), [majesticduxk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticduxk/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all about knowing when to ask certain questions. And when to run for it!

Life, Dean had long ago decided, was unfair. For example, when his usually uneventful annual physical had ended with Benny telling him he needed a colonoscopy, Dean had not freaked out. He had not panicked. He had not stopped at the Roadhouse for three slices of pie on the way home.

Okay, he had if truth were told done all of the above. And that bastard Jo had gone and tattled to Sam, who had talked to Benny. And no matter that Dean had managed to avoid the moose, Sam had played dirty pool and had gotten Cas to mojo himself over to Dean's house and turn on the puppy dog eyes. Which was why Dean was now facing a fucking colonoscopy, dammit!

The operation was scheduled for ten-thirty the following morning, so a week before Cas had insisted on accompanying Dean to the surgery so he could learn all about what was needed. To Dean, it all boiled down to Benny and his associates shoving a huge long tube up his ass, and a certain angel taking notes was just annoying. Especially when Cas promised that Dean would be there in a week's time. It was almost as if he didn't trust the hunter.

Cas just looked at him. 

Oh yeah, and it was cold in the room. That was why Dean shivered.

+~+~+

Wednesday, 1030 hours

Dean's last meal, which Cas allo.... which Dean decided to finish off with pie. 

+~+~+

Wednesday, 1230 hours

Dean was already ravenous, but all he was allowed to have until the operation was chicken broth. 

“It tastes disgusting!” he moaned. “Can't you use your mojo to make it taste more like pie or something?”

“I do not wish to risk your health prior to such an important surgical procedure”, the angel said primly. 

Dean scowled, but ate his broth. It tasted like water, but with less flavor.

+~+~+

Wednesday, 1630 hours

Time to start taking the medicine. Benny had given him a fucking huge box labeled 'MoviPrep' (seriously, who the hell thought that one up?). Cas mixed two sachets of the stuff into a liter of water, then very pointedly stood by waiting for the hunter to drink to down. Honestly, it was almost as if.....

Cas was looking at him again, dammit!

Not grumbling at all, Dean sipped tentatively at the pale yellow concoction.

“Ew!” he yelped in disgust. “Tastes like goat spit and urinal cleanser – oh yeah, with just a hint of lemon. Vile!”

Cas was reading the novella that someone had penned on the side of the MoviPrep box.

“It says here that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.....'

The chair was already on the floor, its occupant having fled to the nearest bathroom.

+~+~+

Wednesday, 1645 hours

“The description states it to be what they call a 'nuclear' laxative”, Cas called through the closed bathroom door. “That is most strange. I suppose the adjective is used in its broader sense of meaning something quite potent.”

Dean moaned as he held on for dear life. 'Nuclear' seemed pretty damn accurate for what was going on down there just now; he almost wished the toilet seat had a seat-belt with the explosions that were rapidly emptying his insides. He moaned in pain.

“How are you feeling?” Cas called out. “Because you have to consume the entire contents of the box.”

Dean blinked.

“What?” he managed.

“There are ten sachets”, Cas told him. “So you have four more doses to go. Three tonight and one tomorrow morning.”

Dean moaned as his insides convulsed once more.

+~+~+

Wednesday, 1800 hours

This time Dean took the precaution of taking the ghastly liquid into the bathroom with him, so he would be ready when its lethal effects struck. Perhaps he could 'accidentally' drop it down the.....

“Dean!”

The angel was suddenly right next to him.

“Dammit, Cas, get out of my ass!”

The cherubic face beamed. 

“Bearing in mind the expulsions from that particular orifice just now....”

“Cas!”

The angel vanished. Dean scowled.

+~+~+

Wednesday 1915 hours

Dean was sure he hadn't had that much food inside him, but it still kept coming. At least Cas had mojo'ed up several boxes of baby wipes from somewhere, so he was no longer sore. Or at least, only sore at Sam, Cas and the world in general.

+~+~+

Wednesday, 2045 hours

Grown men do not cry. So someone needed to find out whatever the hell was making Dean Winchester's eyes water, as his insides were now apparently capable of time-travel and were expelling food he hadn't yet eaten. And the latest batch of the stuff had tasted even worse!

+~+~+

Wednesday, 2200 hours

Bedtime, and the eruptions had finally stopped. Dean hadn't expected to sleep, but either Cas had put a whammy on him or, more likely, his body was broken after all its exertions.

+~+~+

Thursday, 0730 hours

Dean did not whine as Cas forced him to consume the last batch of MoviPrep. Fortunately, nearly all of what had been in was now out, and Dean only had to make six trips to the bathroom after drinking it. Sam had called to see how he was, and Cas, being Cas, had been disobligingly graphic in his descriptive powers. Dean had laughed, but unfortunately that had resulted in a seventh dash for the bathroom.

+~+~+

Thursday, 1000 hours

For the first and only time in his life, Dean insisted on traveling in the pimpmobile. He was fairly sure that his body was finished in its expulsion efforts, but no way was he risking Baby to any 'delayed reactions'. Cas seemed oddly distracted, but the hunter was too nervous to ask why.

At the clinic Dean had to sign the predictable barrage of forms acknowledging Lord alone knew what. Then it was to a changing-room and one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when he put it on, made him feel even more naked than when he was actually naked.

While they were waiting for the needle Cas was reading some sort of medical journal, and remarked casually that some people mixed their MoviPrep with vodka or other alcohol. Dean's first thought was that that sounded like a great idea. His second was a sudden image of a drunken Dean staggering around the house unable to locate a toilet and spurting all over the place. But Cas would have stopped that, wouldn't he?

Why was the angel smiling?

At that moment Dean was called in for his anesthetic. Cas looked curiously around the room.

“I do not see the five-mile long tube that you said they were going to use”, he observed.

Dean looked at him sharply, but the angel could do that innocent look to a T. The hunter settled for a pout, which turned into a grimace when he heard the music in the background. 

"'Dancing Queen' by ABBA?" he moaned. "Seriously?"

'You want me to turn it up?' the nurse asked.

Dean shot Cas a look. If the angel said yes, he would... not be happy. 

Then the needle went in, and Dean thought no more.

+~+~+

Thursday, 1700 hours

“I fee great!” Dean said, sitting up carefully in bed. “I'll be out of here before you know it.”

“That is good to hear”, Cas smiled. “I phoned all your friends and told them that your surgery had proceeded most satisfactorily.”

“Just a pity you couldn't use your angel mojo to do it all”, Dean joked.

The silence from beside the bed was suddenly very loud. Dean stared at the angel sharply.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“Why didn't you just sort my colon out using your mojo?”

“You never asked”, the angel said simply.

Four nurses and two doctors came running at the scream, and several of them were puzzled as to how the recovering patient's visitor had somehow vanished without passing them on his way out.


	2. /

Dean Winchester first thing in the morning was not a pretty sight. Indeed, as he slouched round the kitchen preparing breakfast, he knew that he did not look up to much. The only consolation was that... yup, here it came.

Castiel. Before Coffee. Complete with the sort of scowl that could probably remove paint. 

“Cof-fee!”

Fortunately (and because he valued his life) Dean always made sure that starting the coffee machine was his number one priority of a morning. The one time the dratted thing had been broken, Cas had looked so pitifully heartbroken that Dean had had to quickly get dressed and drive him to the nearest diner for a caffeine infusion. Not of course that he was totally whipped by that cure little face, those impossibly blue eyes, that adora.....

He edged closer to the counter. So not the time!

Fortunately a distraction arrived in the form of a red-headed bubble of energy that was, irritatingly, wide awake.

“I fixed your laptop, Dean”, she trilled far too loudly. “If you will keep downloading porn onto it....”

“Charlie!”

“And storing it in your 'Car Manual' folder”, she grinned. “'Sides, I see you finally got into that show I recommended, _The Unnatural_.

Dean finished plating up Castiel's breakfast, and set his own and Charlie's going before bringing Castiel's to the table.

“Ba-con!”

Dean scowled at Charlie, who was clearly had put not to laugh. He was back at the cooker when she spoke again.

“Didn't know you were into slash fiction, though.”

“Huh?”

“Slash”, she said. “You know, people who think the UST between the two main characters, the hunter Jensen and the angel Sachiel, really is LUST.”

“What is UST?” Cas asked through half a mouthful of bacon. Dean rolled his eyes at his friend.

“Unresolved Sexual Tension”, Charlie explained. “Who knows; one day the makers of the show may feel bold enough to get them to actually do it.”

“Do what?” Cas asked. Dean blushed fiercely.

“Do the sort of things that Dean reads all those slash stories about”, Charlie said, taking her plate from Dean. “See ya!”

And she was gone. Cas turned to Dean.

“What was she talking about?” he asked.

Dean was flushed red from standing so near the cooker, and for no other reason at all.

“No idea”, he said shortly. “You know Charlie.”

“Hmm.”

Oh God, Dean knew what that 'hmm' meant. Cas was storing the conversation in his huge memory bank to throw back at him some time later that day, most likely when he was least ready for it.

He really needed to take Baby out for a long drive. For several days....

Why was Cas shaking his head?


End file.
